Heartstrings
by Zulyana
Summary: They damn near froze in that Tevinter ruin on the edges of the Korcari wilds, but when they turn to each other for warmth, he finds that she melts not only the cold, but his heart..
1. Heartstrings

Duncan had seen many eyes in his travels. Eyes belonging to people of all shapes and sizes. Some of those eyes looked upon him with curiosity, some with caution, others even with disdain. Some eyes were beautiful, brightly colored windows to the very souls of their owners, others as cold and dark as the sea.

But there was one pair of eyes that truly mystified him. Those eyes belonged to Arinelle Cousland.

* * *

He had come to Highever Castle in search of a Grey Warden recruit. He had heard rumors of the warrior prowess of Teryn Bryce Cousland's youngest daughter and hoped to come see her for himself. He tried not to keep his hopes up, most of the time when women took up arms it was usually sensationalized due to the fact that women were not often warriors.

The sun was ablaze in the sky as he approached the main hall of the castle, the heat burning down on the back of his neck. He felt small beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he walked through the large courtyard. He faintly heard the clashing of swords, and, trying to locate the source of the noise, realized there were 2 people sparring at the end of the long, rectangular area.

Duncan stayed close to the wall, trying to remain unseen. He watched the two sparr, a young woman he assumed was the Teryn's daughter, Arinelle Cousland, and a young red headed man whose name Duncan later learned was Ser Gilmore. He stood a ways back under the shade of an awning, his arms folded across his chest, watching the fight. Arinelle was quick on her feet, light and speedy. _Almost like a cat_, he mused, watching her duck and dodge between the heavy jabs Ser Gilmore threw at her.

He winced as he watched the young red headed man throw his weight into his shield and charge at Arinelle, the sheer force knocking her a few feet backwards, flat onto her back. She laid there for a moment in pain, and Ser Gilmore strode up to her side, chuckling triumphantly, his blade at her neck.

"Ah _HA_!", he cried. "You concede then, my Lady?"

Duncan heard a low, throaty giggle escape from the girl and then stared almost in disbelief at the next few seconds, as in one swift motion, she rolled onto her side, kicked her legs up and caught Ser Gilmore hard behind the knees. He flew backwards onto _his_ back this time, and she pounced onto his chest, her knees painfully digging into the insides of his elbows which were splayed out at his sides, pinning him. Now her blade was at his neck, and she was grinning.

"So, _you_ concede then, Ser Gilmore?" she said with a soft chuckle.

"_Owwwww_", was the only word he could offer.

Duncan smiled to himself as he walked away, he was glad the rumors were true. He needed her as a Grey Warden, and he started to think to himself ways to convince her father.

* * *

A guard brought Duncan to meet Teryn Bryce Cousland in his study, and they talked of his need for a Grey Warden recruit. Duncan smiled slyly at the Teryn's suggestion that he surely must be interested in Ser Gilmore, thinking to himself _This is definitely going to be a challenge_..

They walked the halls of the castle, talking of darkspawn, the blight growing in the south, Grey Wardens of old and the role of Highever's men in the upcoming battle. When they stopped outside the main hall, the Teryn asked Duncan to wait outside while he spoke to his daughter and Arl Howe.

He waited patiently for a few moments until a guard guided him into the hall, and was introduced to Arl Rendon Howe and the Teryn's daughter.

"It is an honor to be a guest within your hall, Teryn Cousland", Duncan said politely.

"Your Lordship!", Howe exclaimed. "You didn't mention a _Grey Warden _would be present."

The Teryn looked at Howe, concerned. "Duncan arrived just recently, unannounced. Is there a problem?"

"Of _course _not," Howe stammered. "It's just that, a guest of this _stature _demands certain.. protocol. I am at a disadvantage!"

The look on Bryce's face softened into a smile as he turned to his daughter. "We rarely have the pleasure of meeting one in person, that is true. Nelle, brother Aldous taught you who the Grey Wardens are, I hope?"

Arinelle turned to Duncan and smiled, and for the first time he got a good look at her. She was every bit as lovely as her father suggested, but her eyes.. the light from the fire aside them reflected in her brilliantly green eyes, making them glitter like emeralds laid out in the sun. For a brief moment he felt as though he'd been punched in the chest.

"They are an order of great warriors, father", she replied, not taking her eyes off of Duncan.

"They are the heroes of legend," Teryn Cousland continued, "they battled the blights and saved us all. Duncan is looking for new recruits before heading south, I believe he has his eye on Ser Gilmore," he said as he turned to Duncan with a raised eyebrow.

"If I might be so bold," Duncan started, hoping to watch Arinelle's reaction closely, "but I must suggest that your daughter would also be an excellent candidate."

She didn't move. Not even a blink. He was trying to read the expression on her face when he realized she was trying to read his also, and broke their eye contact. He looked toward the Teryn as he stepped in between them.

"Honor though that might be, this is my _daughter_ we're talking about here", he said coolly.

Arinelle gently placed a hand on her father's upper arm. "I think I might like that, father" she said softly.

Bryce scoffed. "I've not so many children that I'd gladly see them all off to battle. Unless you plan to invoke the Right of Conscription..?" he added, obviously not thrilled with the idea at all.

"Have no fear," Duncan smiled softly. "While we need as many good recruits as we can, I have no intention of forcing the issue."

Although Teryn Cousland did not look entirely convinced of that statement, he stepped aside and turned again to his daughter. "Nelle, can you ensure that Duncan's requests are seen to while I'm gone?"

She turned a warm smile to Duncan. "Of course," she said, the flames in the fireplace reflecting softly on her eyes.. Duncan was finally able to discern the look on her face: curiosity.

_Like a cat_, he thought to himself as he returned the smile.

* * *

Duncan and the Teryn were sitting in the main hall, still discussing who would be recruited into the Grey Wardens and the battle plans for Ostagar when they heard the commotion outside. It was faint at first, the marching of Arl Howe's men finally arriving to prepare for the battle in the south. But it was not simple marching - they began to hear shouts, the clanging of swords.

The doors came crashing open and in poured a dozen of Howe's men. The guards, realizing what was happening after an agonizing second of chaos, flying arrows and battle cries, attacked in an attempt to protect the unarmed Teryn.

Duncan yelled to Bryce to get to safety as he leaped to his feet and joined the battle. Howe's men were no match for him, however he quickly found himself out numbered and tried to escape. As he left the hall, he heard a voice cry out to him.

It was the Teryn, curled up into a ball, a small pool of blood forming underneath him. Duncan sank to his knees and Bryce looked up at him weakly.

"Howe is a traitor! The castle is lost. My son has already left, find my wife and daughter and get them to the servant's passage in the larder. Go! _Quickly_!" he doubled over and groaned as he clutched the wound in his side.

Duncan put the Teryn's arm around his shoulder and gingerly lifted him to his feet. He then half ran, half dragged Bryce to the larder and laid him down on the floor. Bryce grabbed Duncan's arm and through gritted teeth, pleaded with him to hurry.

The sound of battle was growing, Duncan knew there wasn't much time. He searched as much of the castle as he could, striking down the few of Howe's men he encountered. He found no sign of either the Teryna or Arinelle, and decided to return to the larder to try to help the Teryn escape.

He found the 3 of them huddled together on the floor, arguing over how to get Bryce through the servants' passage. He kneeled down between the Teryna and Arinelle.

Bryce grabbed the front of Duncan's vest. "_Please_, Duncan," he groaned. "Take my wife and daughter to safety."

Duncan nodded sadly. "I will, your Lordship, but first I must ask something of you."

"What? **Anything**!" The Teryn cried out, he would not last much longer at this pace, the pool of blood surrounding him was growing by the minute. He could barely move.

"The blight in the south has brought me here to find a Grey Warden recruit. I cannot leave without one," Duncan replied solemnly.

Bryce looked at Arinelle and Duncan heard her choke back a sob. The Teryn then slowly lowered his gaze to the floor and said quietly, "I.... I understand."

Arinelle grabbed Duncan's arm, and as he turned to her, he saw the hot tears streaming down her face. "Are you talking about me?!" she cried. "What about Ser Gilmore?"

He placed his hands on both her shoulders and looked her square in those brilliant green eyes, whose sadness seemed to pierce through his very soul. "Truth be told, you were always my first choice. The Grey Wardens need you, Arinelle, will you accept my offer?"

She looked incredulously between Duncan and her father, who pleaded with her to accept. "Go, Nelle. Ferelden needs you!" he choked. All she could do was nod slowly.

Duncan stood. "It is done, then." He took a step back and realized the battle was growing nearer by the second. They needed to move quickly. But the Teyrna refused to leave. "To death and beyond, " she reasoned. She was to stay with her husband.

He listened to the three of them arguing again for a second, until there was a loud crash just outside the door. Duncan threw an arm around Arinelle's waist and pulled her towards the servants' passage. There was no more time. She whimpered a final, "I love you both, _so much_.." to her parents, then turned with Duncan and ran.

* * *

Arinelle Cousland was nothing, if not a fast learner. The first few hours that they traveled, she asked many questions about the blight, the Grey Wardens, and darkspawn. She soaked up the information like a sponge, and understood as well as accepted the fact that the darkspawn faced a very real, very serious threat to Ferelden. She had a strong head on her shoulders, and for that, he was thankful.

She was also graceful. Even through the thickest of forests, she traversed the woods as though she grew up in them. He watched her claw her way through thick underbrush and climb over felled trees, even in the dark. He was thankful she couldn't see the smile playing across his face. _Like a cat.. _

They decided to stop for the night on the far side of the North Road. Far enough away from it to be hidden, but close enough to see anyone that might possibly travel past. Due to the hasty nature of their departure, Arinelle was hardly prepared. She was dressed only in a simple linen tunic and pants, tucked haphazardly into leather boots. Her daggers lay sheathed in a worn leather belt that sat loosely at her hips.

Duncan found that he did not sleep much these days, and offered her his bedroll to sleep on while he sat watch.

While she slept fitfully, he rubbed as his temples wearily, thinking of the journey to come. He sighed quietly. It would not be easy with such limited supplies. They would surely freeze in the south.

* * *

On the third day of travel, they discovered the true meaning of being **cold**.

Duncan had considered a stop in Lothering for supplies, but it was easily half a day's walk and they had little time to spare. They trudged through freezing rain and hail as he tried to remember the location of a Tevinter ruin he knew to be nearby, hoping to find it still somewhat in fact. They needed shelter from the rain, or they would surely freeze to death.

He gently rested a hand on her shoulder to stop her, and Arinelle eyed Duncan curiously as he scanned the darkening horizon for a sign of the ruin. Nightfall would be soon and his body was aching for rest, and warmth. A wave of relief splashed over him as he saw the tall, spindly tower a short distance to the west. They could be there within an hour.

The noise of the wind and the rain were deafening. He leaned in and pointed to the distant tower, "It's an old Tevinter ruin, we should be able to find shelter there." She nodded quickly and they moved with renewed energy.

Duncan was relieved to find the ruin still mostly in tact, they were even lucky enough to find that someone had stayed there fairly recently. A fine layer of dust lay upon everything, yet in the center of an empty room stood the remnants of a fire, with enough supplies to last them for several nights, should the need arise. It was already warmer just being inside, away from the wind and the freezing rain, but they were both eager for the warmth of the fire they were attempting to coax into existence.

He laid out his bedroll in front of the fire and they sat on it, removing their belts, boots and socks and laying them aside to dry, then holding their hands and feet as close to the fire as they could stand. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the heat wash over him, yet he still shivered. Tiredness and cold ached deep in his bones and he longed for nothing more than a warm bed.

He heard a movement to his right, and when he opened his eyes he saw Arinelle sitting close to him, kneeling, sitting on her heels, her arms wrapped around her. She was facing him, but her head was turned to the fire, seemingly mesmerized by it.

Duncan had come to admire Arinelle over the last few days, as she was a strong woman, indeed. No doubt she would become an exceptionally capable warrior with the right training. He was also proud of how well she was taking the death of her parents; she spoke of it little, and he could only imagine her pain. Yet she carried on with her head high, as every bit the Lady she was brought up to be.

He was looking her over now, suddenly aware of the fact that he could see every curve of her body with the way her wet clothes clung tightly to her. Her chest rose and fell slowly with her breaths, he traced the outline of her nipples with his eyes, slowly becoming overwhelmed with the urge to just _take her_.

Drawing in a slow, deep breath, Duncan tried to calm himself, to will the demon that was growing deep in his abdomen to go away. She was here to become a Grey Warden, not to make love to him.

_To make love to him.. _The thought of it caused a tightening in his chest. He couldn't look away. As if able to read his thoughts, Arinelle's head turned and looked at him. He felt that familiar feeling he got whenever he looked into her eyes, as though someone had swiftly punched him in his chest. It came as quickly as it went, however, but her gaze was as intense as the longing he felt in the pit of his stomach.

Arinelle let her arms drop from around her as she placed her hands on the floor to steady herself while she slowly, achingly slowly, leaned toward him. His eyes darted from her eyes to her lips, which were slightly parted, and his brain started screaming at him. _Stop! Stop!_

His body wouldn't listen, however, and his hand found its way to her face. Her lips parted a bit more as his fingers lightly brushed her cheek, then ran through her still dripping wet hair to rest on the back of her head, guiding her face to his.

Their lips brushed lightly for the tiniest of kisses, but it was enough to set his insides on fire. He felt the heat rising from within him as she pressed her lips against his again, more firmly this time, and then the blood seemed to drain completely from his head as her tongue parted his mouth and swirled around his own. She gently tugged on his lower lip with her teeth, then pulled her face an inch away from his, as if to gauge his reaction.

It had been a long time since he'd been intimate with anyone. He had his duty as a Grey Warden that meant more now more than ever, and which also meant he couldn't go seeking out the pleasures of a woman. His brain was still shouting at him to _Stop!_, but he couldn't. His body took over, refusing to listen to his brain trying to reason with him.. She eyed him curiously as he moved his way behind her. Kneeling behind her, sitting back on his heels, she was about to ask him what he was doing when his hands on her hips guided her backwards onto his lap. She was tense, unsure, but when he wrapped his arms around her waist she relaxed into him, her back pressing against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder.

His fingers worked their way up to the laces on the front of her linen shirt, and he could feel her heart beating faster against her rib cage. She leaned forward slightly to allow him to remove her shirt, as well as his own, then settled back against his chest, her face buried in the cook of his neck, her hands resting on her thighs.

Her hot breath on his neck just about killed him, and he knew she could feel him hardening underneath her thighs by the sharp breath she drew in, and the way she pushed her hips against his own. He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, and she let her head fall back onto his shoulder as his fingertips worked their way up the sides of her stomach, barely touching her.

His body pressed onward, ignoring the battle his brain was trying to wage. _Stop! Stop!_

Duncan placed soft kisses against her shoulder, her neck, her jaw, as his fingers squeezed and kneaded her breasts. They both let out soft groans as he let each of his fingertips brush against her nipples, and she pushed her hips harder into him.

It was suddenly hot. Very, very hot. His blood seemed to be turning into fire in his veins and it was all he could do to keep some level of composure. He kept one arm tight around her waist, while his other hand slid down her belly, and disappeared under the drawstring of her pants. She tensed up and gasped as his fingers slipped between her lips, and plunged inside her. With that movement, something inside the both of them snapped and their bodies became tangled, they fumbled with each other as they impatiently tried to remove their remaining articles of clothing.

Finally freed of everything, he wrapped one arm tightly around her waist and pulled her to him. With his free hand he guided himself inside her and she cried out as she slowly sank down onto him, allowing, no, _needing _him to fill her up completely.

The smell of her, _feel of her_, the tightness, the wetness, the _hotness_, was almost too much to handle. He kept both arms wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her tightly in place, trying to gain some control of his body.

Her arms came up and wrapped themselves around his, her nails digging gently into them. They sat there like that, entangled and breathing heavily, for a full minute before she cried out his name exasperatedly. They both moaned loudly when he roughly thrust himself up inside her. She threw her head back onto his shoulder and it was all he could seem to manage at the moment; slow, rough, deep thrusts. She cried out each time, their bodies tensing up as pleasure flirted dangerously with pain.

He couldn't stand this. It was too slow, his body was aching, wanting, needing, _screaming _at him for release. He pushed himself to his knees and Arinelle fell forward onto her hands. Now on her hands and knees, she turned her head back to watch him as his fingers dug into her hips and he begin driving himself inside her. The fire coursing through his veins turned into molten _lava _and pure passion took over as he kept thrusting, the throbbing of himself inside her driving him insane.

Arinelle let her chest slink to the floor, her cheek pressed against the bedroll, her arms outstretched in front of her, hands grasping at fistfuls of the bedroll's fabric, moaning loudly with each thrust. Harder, faster.. Pain, pleasure..

His eyes traced the curves of her shoulders, her back, her hips, all _taunting _him.

He groaned at the sensation of her muscles clenching around him, and watched as she reached her hands back and grabbed his own, pushing his fingers deeper into the flesh of her hips. He sunk his nails into her and gasped as he thrust hard, bright white stars beginning to play at his peripheral vision. The pain was intense, but the way it danced so beautifully with the pleasure rolling across his senses was _incredible_.

She was trembling now, her shallow gasps and moans were toying with him, begging for a release, and all of a sudden her body tensed up and in an instant his entire being exploded in a shower of moans, nail scratches, thrusts filled with pleasure and pain, and every last bit of energy evaporating from his body. He managed a few more weak pumps into her, pushing his seed deep inside her, before Arinelle collapsed underneath him.

He wasn't sure he could move even if he wanted to, so he gently settled his weight on top of her, his head resting on her shoulder. Her small hands found his and their fingers laced together.

They lay there for a time, panting and gasping for breath, Duncan placing kisses all over her shoulders, the back of her neck, her face. Underneath him, he could feel her heart racing, only inches from his own.

She sighed blissfully.

The fire was finally extinguished.

* * *

Duncan awoke the next morning lying on his back, stark naked, next to a blazing fire. He found Arinelle sitting nearby, cooking breakfast. She must have gone hunting while he slept. How long had he slept? He still felt exhausted.

She watched intently as he grabbed clothes at random from the heap lying next to him and got dressed, then moved to sit next to her. She handed him a bowl of food and a warm smile and they ate together in silence while he replayed the previous nights events over and over in his head. He wanted to say something, but what could he say? He hadn't meant for that to happen. But he couldn't exactly say he was sorry that it did.

They cleaned up their small camp and as she turned to leave, he placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. She turned and looked at him, and he felt that familiar sharp pain in his chest as he searched her eyes for.. for what?

His hands moved up to cup her face. He wanted to tell her how incredible she was, how incredible she felt, how incredible she made him feel, how it couldn't happen again, but how he would wish every night that it would.

The soft smile that played at her lips slowly eased into something more folorn, which tugged _hard _at his heart, and he wondered for a moment if she could, in fact, read his thoughts. As if she understood what he wanted to say, she started to speak. "Duncan, I..."

He silenced her by pulling her close and placing a kiss upon her forehead. She closed her eyes and laid her head on her chest and they held each other for a moment, almost as if saying _goodbye_...

Duncan sighed heavily as he took a step back from her, studying her face as though he may never see her again, then lead them out of the ruin.


	2. New Beginnings

_I wasn't originally intending to add more to the first part of this story, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of adding a point of view from Cousland's POV. Next, I think I would like to try and add a 3rd and final chapter from Alistair's POV._

_Thanks for the kind words, I truly appreciate them!_

* * *

Arinelle sighed heavily, keeping her eyes focused on the ground beneath her as she walked in silence beside Duncan. Her head felt as though it were filled with lead, her body aching, and she felt her very soul begin to crack. She had lost count of how many days had passed since they had begun their travels across Ferelden, the arduous journey that seemed to only shove more and more heartbreak down her throat as they traveled further south.

The first few days were easy enough, the deaths of those she left behind at Highever had not quite sunk in just yet, the reality too harsh to accept, none of it seeming quite real. She tried hard to convince herself that there were more pressing matters at hand, that she had a true purpose now, that everything would be alright if she could just stay strong. Duncan's cool, calm voice set her at ease, and so she posed a thousand questions to him about anything and everything, desperate for anything to fill the silence. Anything to keep her from picturing Ser Gilmore, her mother and father, the dead bodies, so much blood..

She shook her head to clear the thoughts, and suddenly realized that Duncan was speaking. Something about dinner, and stopping soon for the night. She looked up and was slightly shocked at the fact that the sun was low in the sky, then silently cringed at the thought of spending another night at his side, the dull ache between her thighs reminding her how utterly _insane_ the previous night had been.

"Mmmmm," she muttered back at him, hoping he'd realize she was _not_ interested in small talk. She supposed he _did_ notice, because immediately after that, she could feel his eyes burning into her. Arinelle blinked away the tears forming in her eyes and pressed on, never taking her gaze off the ground in front of her.

Her thoughts kept winding back to the night before, no matter how she tried to pretend it didn't happen. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? To pretend it didn't happen? But how could she possibly forget _that_? She had never been with anyone like that before. Arinelle briefly wondered if everyone's first time was so.. _intense_, and she sighed as let the event replay in her head. The kisses, the touches, the scratches, such a burning _passion_ she had never felt before, the feelings tugging at the back of her heart for him..

_The bruises,_ she thought to herself as she absent mindedly rubbed at her sore hips, slightly wincing.

Duncan was a bit older than her, she knew, but a sobering thought just popped into her head. He _definitely_ knew what he was doing last night, where as she just felt awkward and clumsy.. letting him take her as he wished, guiding her along.. just exactly how _many_ other women had swooned into his arms the way she had? She suddenly felt her face burning red hot with embarassment, and she kicked hard at a rock laying in the path before her.

She sighed bitterly, wishing he would _talk to her about it_, watching the rock go flying into the distance, wishing she could do the same to her feelings, and suddenly she felt utterly _exhausted_.

A gentle hand placed on her upper arm snapped her back to her senses, and she realized they had both stopped in the middle of the path. Arinelle shot a glance at Duncan, whose eyebrow was cocked in curiosity at her, but she looked away quickly, and took a step forward to keep marching on.

His grip on her arm suddenly tightened, and he gently pulled her back into the place she had just been standing, then placed both hands on her shoulders and slowly backed her up into a tree. There was no way she could look at him, so she turned her head away, looking in the direction towards the punted rock, biting hard down on her lip to fight back the tears.

The seconds that ticked by went on seemingly _forever_, and Arinelle felt herself losing control over the harsh sobs trying to escape her throat.

After what felt like an eternity, the only thing he said was, "Arinelle, I'm sorry." She took in a slow, deep breath, trying to regain herself, but those words had been the drop to overflow the bucket of emotions she was drowning in. Everything that had happened to her over the last week flooded her thoughts in a swelling river of sadness, each thought more upsetting than the previous, and it took every last bit of strength to _not_ crumple into a heap at his feet. White hot tears streamed down her face, and she wished he'd just _go away_ and leave her alone.

He brought his hands up to her face and tried to turn her gaze to him, his palms resting on her cheeks, fingers disappearing into the tangled mass of black curls that fell around her shoulders, thumbs brushing away the tears that threatened to drown them both.

She closed her eyes, and listened as he went on.

"Last night should not have happened. I was weak, and that weakness has only added to your pain. I'm sorry," he said softly. She felt the ugly taste of bitterness well up inside her. He was standing too close to her, she wanted to push him away but was afraid to move, for fear of collapsing.

She waited several moments, but when he offered no other explaination, her eyes shot open and she snapped.

"So.. what, that's it then? You take me to bed and make love to me, then dump me all in the same night, you don't say a word about any of it afterwards and your only explaination is 'Whoops, Sorry, moment of weakness'? And I'm supposed to be _okay_ with that?!" She felt anger throbbing in her temples as she started yelling at him.

"Just how many other hearts have you hurt with that line, _I wonder_?"

"Arinelle, I --"

She refused to let him speak. "I have never done anything even _remotely_ close to.. to.. to _that_, I gave you something I can never have back, and to what end? 'Whoops! Sorry! Moment of weakness!'" She spat out a mocking laugh, and she felt his hands gripping her shoulders.

"And then you go and dump me, but oh you're so clever, aren't you, you don't even have to _say_ anything to do it! In fact, you don't say _anything at all!_ All day, nothing! Makers breath, _how __**cold**__ are you_?!"

"_Arinelle --"_

She could hear the impatience growing in his voice, but was determined to have the last word. "I should have known I couldn't trust you! Why didn't you just leave me to die in Highever with my parents?"

They both sat there in silence for another agonizing few minutes. She stared off into the distance, fuming, until she finally found the strength to look him in the eyes.

"Huh, I truly can't believe I was falling in love with you," she said cooly as she turned to walk away, a little embarassed for blatantly admitting it.

"_**Nelle**_," Duncan said loudly as his hands, firmly on her shoulders, pulled her back towards him. Her jaw dropped slightly as she looked up at him; he looked angry and it frightened her a little bit. He'd always used her full name, never her shortened nickname, and she wondered if he'd done it on purpose, for the effect.

He'd stepped closer to her again, too close for her comfort, and she could feel the hotness of his breath on her face, the warmth of his body melting her cold facade.

"I have a duty, _you_ have a duty to the Grey Wardens, to _Ferelden_," he said with a squeeze of her shoulders. "It is our duty, our _responsibility_, to end this blight, as only we can! It is our duty to set aside our personal feelings, to sacrifice whatever we need to, until we can get the blight under control. If we falter, if we fail, _**Ferelden will fall**_. And then what of the rest of the Thedas? I cannot allow that to happen. _You_ cannot allow that to happen."

"And until then, what am I supposed to do? Just _stop feeling?"_

_"_No. Understand that there are more important things right now, feelings can be dealt with later."

"And if I die in the battle?"

"You won't --"

"How do you know?"

She searched his eyes longingly, knowing the answer, but wanting him to say it out loud. Needing him to.

But he couldn't, and he wouldn't.

Arinelle couldn't choke back the sobs anymore, and her shoulders slumped forward as she began sobbing into her hands. Duncan's arms wrapped around her and he held her, his chin resting on the top of her head, as she sobbed herself into exhaustion, thankful for a release of all the emotions that had been eating away at her over the week.

When she finally broke away from him and slumped to a sitting position on the ground, he set up their small camp right in the middle of the path they had been traversing. Arinelle slept deeply for the first time in days, unaware of the sad brown eyes that watched her as she dreamed of a happier time in her life.

* * *

A good sleep was exactly what Arinelle needed. She woke up feeling immensely better. Still not herself entirely, but a vast improvement. Neither of them ever spoke of _that night_ again, or the explosion of her emotions in the middle of that dusty path, but they didn't need to. There was an unspoken understanding that, whatever had begun between them, was simply not to be. She still clung to a small hope though, unable to extinguish her feelings entirely, but she would not pursue the matter. She was no small girl anymore, she would not throw tantrums and be selfish or spiteful. Besides, he _was_ right. Arinelle had a purpose now, she had a duty to fulfill, a promise made to her father and she intended to do her part.

* * *

They arrived at Ostagar late in the afternoon. She fumbled through a hurried introduction to the King as she stammered out an explaination of what happened to her parents. She wasn't prepared for that, to have to speak _out loud_ of her parents' deaths, and her voice caught in her throat. Thankfully, Duncan took over the conversation and saved her. The King was kind and promised to help her take vengeance against Arl Howe for his treatchery after the battle, and she almost felt at ease.

After King Cailan had departed, Duncan took Arinelle by the arm and led her toward a long bridge that extended over a valley, and connected one side of the ruins to the other. They spoke for a brief moment about the camp and her joining ritual, and she swallowed hard at the nervous look on his face. _This doesn't sound pleasant,_ she thought to herself. He told her to seek out another Grey Warden in the camp, named Alistair, who would be helping her prepare. It was tradition.

Before he, too, departed, they stared at each other for a full minute. It was as if he was trying to decide whether or not she would be alright on her own. Arinelle offered the warmest smile she could muster, but he did not return it. Instead, he brushed his fingers against her arm, then turned and crossed the bridge alone.

She sighed and watched him for a moment, then turned to look at the ruins around her. Her curiosity and adventerous side got the better of her, and she spent most of the afternoon exploring.

* * *

Arinelle heard Alistair before she actually saw him.

She had wandered to a far corner of a camp, looking up to the sky in awe at the remnants of what seemed to be an old chapel of some sort. She heard voices coming from her right, and started to walk up a ramp. There was an older man with his back to her, she assumed a mage by the silk robes that hung from his broad frame. Standing across from him was a much younger man, close to her own age, she'd guessed, and her stomach seemed to jump up and get stuck in her throat. _Ooooh, he is handsome.._ she thought to herself with a giggle, noting the pang of combined guilt and excitement that hit her deep in her chest.

By Duncan's description, this was Alistair, and she moved just close enough to get a better look and to listen in. She grinned as she listened to the witty repartee that angered the mage until he stormed off. She giggled again, thinking that she rather liked this particular Grey Warden.

The young blond man raised an eyebrow at her giggle, then walked over to her. She felt her heart about to explode in his chest as she noted the vast contrast between the man that stood before her, and the man she had traveled with. Duncan was quiet, broody, whereas this man was mugh lighter, less serious. It was a _very much_ welcomed change of pace, however, she didn't have time to finish her train of thought, because he smiled at her and she felt _butterflies_ flipping around inside her.

"You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together," he said bemusedly.

She giggled and stared into his warm, amber colored eyes, wanting to slap herself, thinking she must look a fool. His smile broadened at her giggle, however, and it was all she could do to keep from melting into a puddle at his feet.

"I know exactly what you mean!" she finally offered back.

He chuckled. "It's like a _party!_ We can all stand in a circle and hold hands. Now _that_ would give the darkspawn something to think about!"

She giggled again, then bit her lip. This was ridiculous! She scolded herself: _What on Thedas has gotten into you, girl?_

He looked at her then as though he'd only just noticed her.

"Wait, we haven't met, have we? You must be Duncan's new recruit, from Highever. I should have recognized you right away, I apologize."

"How could you recognize me?" she wondered, slightly confused by his statement.

"Duncan sent word. He spoke very highly of you," he said with another bright smile. And just like that, her stomach dislodged itself from her throat and crashed into the cracked ground beneath her feet. The words hit her like a ton of bricks. Was this word sent before, or after her breakdown in the woods, she wondered? She sighed to herself and condeded defeat. Duncan obviously felt her unworthy, or _whatever_, she didn't even really know, she realized. All she knew was that she couldn't dwell on that lustful night in the ruins forever, and that the man standing in front of her was grinning at her like she was the cat's meow. _And oooh, that smile is contagious_. It felt _good _to stand near him after the nervewracking week she'd endured.

She couldn't help the smiles and the sense of optimism spreading through her as they walked together through the camp, talking and collecting the other recruits, ready to prepare for the mysterious joining.

* * *

Later that night, during her joining ritual, Arinelle learned the true meaning of _pain_. Maker preserve her, her blood was on _fire_! Every muscle in her body writhed in agony as she seemed to burn from the inside out. She caught a glimpse of Duncan's concerned face before her eyes rolled back into her skull and she collapsed.

When she opened her eyes, both Alistair and Duncan were leaning over her, peering at her nervously. Were she not feeling ill to her stomach, she would have laughed out loud at the irony of the situation. They each grabbed one of her arms and pulled her to her feet and she felt as though she would faint again, or perhaps split into two pieces, although she couldn't discern whether or not that was part of the joining, or the mixed sensation of butterflies and guilt that pounded beneath her chest.

When Duncan asked her how she felt, she became determined to prove to him that she _was_ strong, and he would not affect her any more. She offered him a smile and said simply, "It's over. I'm fine."

Alistair was talking now but she didn't hear a word he was saying, Duncan was staring at her, the look on his face unnerving her, slowly tearing down her newfound determination. He blinked after a few seconds, however, and looked away, and she finally caught the last of Alistair's sentence. He was handing her a small pendant, filled with blood, "_to remember those who didn't make it this far.."_

When Duncan spoke again, she felt like she would surely faint. Standing between the two of them was dizzying, growing more impossible by the minute, but she was glad when Duncan told her to take some time to rest. She needed rest, badly.

There were a few days left until the battle, but Duncan's time would be filled with strategy, meetings, and chaos. If she needed anything, he said, she should find Alistair. She turned to look at Alistair, who was positively beaming at her.

_I think I'll be okay with that,_ she thought to herself with a tiny giggle.

* * *

Alistair was positively _charming_. She had spent most of her time during the days and nights leading up to the battle by his side. They talked, they smiled, they sparred, they laughed until their sides ached. They sat up late by the fire, drinking too much ale, holding hands, and giggling like fools. Arinelle tried her best to not notice Duncan whenever he passed, going from meeting to meeting, but it was difficult. Despite the fact that Alistair made her melt into little puddles of happiness, there was still a faint tug at her heart that wanted Duncan.

The day before the battle, Arinelle woke from another restless night, and sighed. When she exited her tent, she found herself looking at Duncan's back, standing in front of the huge bonfire she had sat in front of most of the previous night. She watched him carefully for a few moments, a heavy feeling weighing down her heart.

She walked up to him and gently ran her nails down the back of his neck. He jumped at the touch, but when he saw who it was, he just stood and stared into her eyes, his expression entirely unreadable. She let her fingertips run across his back to his elbow, where he watched them slide down and lace between his own. She held his hand for a moment then took a few steps backward, letting her fingers slip through his.

Arinelle offered duncan a sad smile, which he did not return. He simply stared at her as she turned to walk away.

As she let his hand fall back at his side, she decided she would let her feelings for him fall as well. It was a good thing that she had turned around, because the three small words he whispered at her back would have changed her mind.

It was also a good thing that he turned around just then, as she walked up to Alistair, because the kiss she planted firmly on his lips would have broken his heart.


End file.
